Dude, it's a llama!

So I've been trying to write a journal about my trip to Peru but have so far only got to my third day and I'm worried I'm going to forget it all before I actually get down to writing about it. I type much faster than I write and also I spend way more time on my computer than I would ever spend writing stuff down, so I figured I'd write it here.

I flew out from Heathrow Airport at 16h45 on the 19th July - my mum drove me to the airport to see me off which was really nice, and saved me trekking across London with a heavy rucksack. It was the first time I'd been on a transatlantic flight since I was fifteen - the rest of the (many) flights I've been on since then have been with Ryanair or Easyjet, so I was naturally pretty impressed by the size of the airplane and the fact that there were TVs in front of the seats. I also got a window seat which was awesome. The flight went pretty quickly, I watched a myriad of trashy films (The Time Travelers Wife - good, made me cry; The Last Song - Miley Cyrus film, fine if you're in the mood for trash/are trying to while away 8 hours in a confined space; The Bounty Hunter - similar to The Last Song only funnier) and enjoyed some cardboardy food. I didn't sleep at all which was the start of a trend that would continue over the next 40 or so hours. My connection via New York was easy but really boring, then the next flight I got put in an aisle seat which was rubbish - not only that but an aisle seat in front of a screaming baby. I managed to sleep for about an hour and a half, but very very badly, and watched some films I can't remember.

I landed in Lima, Peru at about 06h30, ready and just thrilled to wait seven hours in an airport. I found a shop that sold Dairy Milk chocolate (happy!) and wandered round, eventually deciding to go to Starbucks where I tried in vain to remember a single word of Spanish (I eventually mustered up enough to order a frappacino and a sandwich). There was no internet, so I read a book (Dreamland, by Sarah Dessen - really really good) and then ended up talking to three girls who were leaving, having been travelling round Peru for a couple of weeks - they told me all about their trip, so it was nice to have some sort of vague idea of what was to come! (Illness and lots of walking, by the sound of it) My flight to Puno, where I was meeting Katie, left at 14h45 and I fell asleep briefly going down the runway which was bizarre because I woke up in the air thinking 'eh??'. We flew via Arequipa which is in Canyon Country - unbelievable scenery, I had my nose pressed up against the window for about 85% of the flight, it was phenomenal. Here is the only picture I have of it:

I landed in Puno around 5pm, where it was freezing, and after a brief serenade from a typical Peruvian band, a minor panic when my bag was literally the last one put on the conveyor belt, I got a minibus (colectivo) to the town centre. I managed to befriend some bilingual people and they asked the bus driver if he would drop me off at my hostel which he did, thankfully, because Puno was a real dump, and I was a bit nervous about walking round it by myself with my huge rucksack - I definitely wouldn't have been able to run away from potential muggers or anything - I'd have just fallen over on my back! Anyway, Katie was waiting for me in the hotel foyer so we scared the hotel manager briefly by screaming and hugging a lot, and then got shown to our room - oh wait, sorry, I mean ROOMS because they hadn't put us in the same one, I ended up sharing with three German girls who hated us because we kept accidentally being really loud when they were trying to sleep (who the hell goes to bed at 8pm??). We went out for dinner and despite really liking my dinner, I was so tired (having not properly slept for nearly 2 days) I eventually just had to lie my head on the table and wait for Katie to finish. Getting into bed was pretty traumatic because I was on the top bunk and there wasn't a ladder! I had to climb up the frame at the end of the bed, which wobbled alarmingly (I got Katie to hold it steady for me) and then when I got up there I discovered my water bottle had leaked in the middle of my bed. I was far too delirious to think properly, so only got under two sheets which meant I was freezing the entire night and consequently slept appallingly. The grande finale to my escapades with the bed came when, in the morning, I realised that the lack of ladder prevented me getting down easily as well. Katie had irritated the German girls some more by waking one of them up to get into my room to wake me up, and so she made the helpful suggestion of just jumping off - it wasn't that far, only 6 feet, and I decided to just go for it. Unfortunately I was wearing fluffy socks and the floor was lino so I landed flat on my arse. It was quite spectacular. We fled the hostel pretty quickly after that, and caught a bus (a snazzy bus with a tv and reclining seats! A coach, to be honest) to Cusco. On the way, we stopped for a break just before we got into Cusco territory (the department, not the town) and the most AMAZING alpaca strolled into view, being led by a woman in typical Peruvian dress who was also holding a baby llama. It was brilliant. Here is a picture:

Cusco turned out to be a lot nicer than Puno - it's way more touristy, and consequently a lot richer. People only go to Puno to see Lake Titicaca (which, I am proud to say, I completely failed to see), whereas Cusco is a destination in its own right. Our hostel was on the top of a crazy steep hill - we literally jumped out of the taxi because it was parked at such a precarious angle! Here is a view from just outside our hostel - the buildings at the bottom are Cusco town centre. Yeah. I know.

Anyway, the hostel was called Loki and is notorious as a party hostel. It served amazing food (we lived off toasties and chicken sandwiches for like, three days). We had a little wander round Cusco where I nearly got us robbed and got nagged into buying a hat from a small child.

The day before our trek to Machu Picchu (the reason we were in Cusco), we went to the office of the tour guys we were going with and met the people we were going to be trekking with for five days - our tour guide, Manu who was native Quetchua, so very Peruvian, and a Dutch German family - Tabea (18) and her mum, dad and aunt. They were really nice, so that was cool, and Harry, the dad was so funny. Tabea was amazing, we got on really well with her which was excellent! We were informed that we would be collected from our hotel at 3.30am (I think?) the next day which was naturally greeted with whoops of joy. So, after buying me a llama jumper (which probably prevented me getting pneumonia), we went back to the hostel fully intent on getting a full nights sleep. You have anticipated the punchline, I'm sure - stupid party hotels. We went to the bar to check the internet and get a toastie, and ended up staying there til just gone midnight, talking to various people and dancing.

At some godforsaken hour in the morning, we stumbled out of bed and amassed our various belongings, then went to wait in the lobby, where there were loads of people coming in after crazy nights out on the town. How cool did we feel? ;) We were driven to a town where most people start the trek, but were we were merely given breakfast (and saw lots of guinea pigs!) - I learnt the word panqueque for pancake which was just the start of many brilliant words I would learn that holiday and then use at every available opportunity and some opportunities that weren't really available but maybe there was just a silence or something. We were then driven along an insane road which had me and Katie clutching onto each other in terror. We also spent most of the journey terrifying the rest of the bus with our hysterics - such gems as 'Hey, this is pretty!' - 'Eh, it's no Letchworth' (about the Andes) were bandied around and, due to minor sleep deprivation and the general hysterics Katie and I fail to avoid every time we are together, were treated like the joke of the century. (It was pretty funny, to be fair). You could just hear the rest of the bus thinking 'holy crap, I have to spend the next five days with these madwomen', sometimes actually out loud.

Oh boy, now I have to write about the trek! This will probably be less of a mission than actually doing it, but we shall see! We set off a ridiculously long way from where the rest of the world normally starts on our trek (as in, we walked less than everyone else!) - called the Salkantay trek because it goes round the Salkantay glacier, and is in no way related to the Inca Trail which goes a completely different way, takes half the time and is considerably lower in altitude to this insane route. We set off and the altitude was immediately noticeable. Luckily we were only carrying our daypacks because the horses had our big packs - phew! Katie and I were sharing one so that would have been particularly horrific. I can't remember how high up we were at this stage, but we were about to climb VERY quickly. We set off around 9am and stopped for lunch (by which time I had already fallen behind quite dramatically) around 12pm - soup, hot squash, chicken, rice and something else I think. Pretty good!

This photo was taken I think just before we started climbing what normally would not have been a troubling hill, but as we must have been at about 4,300 metres at the least at that point, there was not a whole lot of oxygen, so we got out of breath insanely quickly - it was like we'd been running for ages (Well. Not ages in my case, that's for sure!). I was seriously struggling, Katie seemed to be doing a lot better than me which was slightly galling, as the only reason I went on the trek with her was because I thought she'd be struggling with me ;) Only kidding, but I was not having a happy time. This was the last ascent before we reached the highest point of our trek - 4600m, right next to the Salkantay glacier which was stunning.

The rest of that day was a steep descent into a valley (it was really gorgeous - a mixture of Jurassic Park and a fairytale, particularly with the glacier looming over the whole picture) which I completely failed to do with anything approaching speed or grace. It took me about half an hour longer than the rest of the group, though Katie waited for me and chivvied me along so I caught them up eventually! Our tour guide, whose ability to completely misjudge distances and the time it might take to do them became legendary by the end of the trek, told us it would take ten minutes from a certain point. Tabea and I were falling behind by then and once we had been walking for about 45 minutes after this point began to get a bit worried because we couldn't see anyone. Then we saw Manu, Tabea's dad and Katie waiting for us to tell us that the campsite had moved and it was just 20 minutes further on. Manu disappeared ahead, and another 45 minutes later it had got dark - luckily I had a torch - and we were stumbling through this dark forest with absolutely no idea where the hell we were or whether we'd missed the campsite or anything. It was pretty scary, and Katie and I were on the verge of tears pretty much the whole time - hey, you try dealing with a situation like that on an hour and a half's sleep and after a full days walking. NOT cool! Eventually it turned out that the campsite had moved yet again and the chef, whose name escapes me even though I spent a whole freaking day trying to learn it, came to get us with torches and the offer of a horse (which we had also had for the steep climb, though none of us had accepted it because as if you would!). We were seriously pissed off with the world by then! However, we were also exhausted so we slept phenomenally well.

Woke up the next day to discover that I had managed to burn spectacularly - a special trick of mine, which I have now refined to the point of being able to burn despite having factor 30 on (stupid altitude). Nothing especially notable happened on the second day - lots of walking (lots). We saw chickens with eagle preventing capes on, a small Peruvian baby, many rivers and rapids, crossed a crazy bridge, saw some waterfalls, did some successful and not so successful Gandalf poses on a bridge (Katie's were excellent, mine were rubbish) and finally arrived at our campsite while it was still light! Amazing. We saw much fauna and flora, e.g. caterpillars and orchids. (We saw a condor on the first day which was so cool!)

Our campsite on the second night was pretty cool, but the best bit was the turkey who was wandering round getting MEGA pissed at everyone who was tramping over his turf, haha. Did you know that turkeys' red bits on their face turn blue when they're angry? This one did, anyway! It was hilarious. The chef kept running at it and then it wouldn't back down and he'd get scared and run away!

The third day was really easy. We walked up a bit, then down a bit and then had a rest, and then it was almost completely flat until lunch. It was excellent! My kind of trekking, THAT'S for sure :D Not to mention what we did after lunch which was get a bus...! We are so lazy, but I don't think we had another option for that. Anyway, so once we'd really rapidly and easily reached the campsite for the night (called Santa Theresa), we went and hung out in some hot springs. Oh yeah. Definitely my kind of trekking. It was really nice swimming around and being warm and not walking and then, just before we left, a big group of guys got in the water and started yelling stuff at us (like, chicas, and stuff in spanish), and they made us laugh, but then we had to leave...only to, a bit later, see them all sit down at a table opposite us at the campsite - turns out they were staying there too (pretty much like everyone else we even vaguely made eye contact with at the hot springs!). We got talking to them eventually, turned out they were largely Argentinian plus a Mexican and a Spaniard. These adorable kids who I guess lived on or near the campsite put on a show for us with dancing to music, it was really cute! Then, just to ruin the image, most of us got dragged into dancing with them - Katie, I seem to recall, nominated me as a candidate. Turns out, I cannot dance for love nor money. This little 10 year old kid was doing all these steps and I was just standing there going 'WHAT? WHAT?!'. It didn't go well. And then all the Argentinians got up and were excellent, it was very depressing. English dancing culture is rubbish! Isaac is the guy in the picture, he is the Mexican, and he was similarly excellent.

Also running around was a monkey called Pancho (word for monkey in espanol = pana, apparently), who fell asleep in Ruth (the Aunt, who isn't called Ruth, but something crazy and German like Ruth) and Isaac's arms. So cute:

The next day we set off bright and early, after having provided the Argentinians with medical assistance (plasters). We drove in a van again (oh, the shame!) and we actually drove past the boys who were walking! We drove to the hydroelectric plant thing which is at the entrance to the Machu Picchu Sanctuary (though not Machu Picchu itself) where we had to log in with our passport numbers and everything. We had lunch with an adorable puppy and then the chef took our bags with him on the train (we love him!) and we walked along a railway track which was delightfully flat. I was suffering quite badly by this point because my sunburn was still there and it felt like my face was being burnt off everytime I went in the sun (naturally I didn't have a hat, so I had to borrow one from Ruth). Also by that point I had developed some really attractive spots on my chin which would gradually, over the next few days turn into hideously painful scabs. Walking along the railway was nice, Katie, Tabea and I had nice chats about stuff, and it was really cool in the shade. Then, we rounded a corner and... got our first sight of Machu Picchu!

We had nearly made it! We followed the railway round the mountain, eventually turning our back on MP, and ended up in Aguas Calientes, the town where the railway finishes and where everyone starts their Machu Picchu visit from - you have to get a bus up (well, you can walk, but obviously we didn't). We were staying in a hostel that night - seriously, we did not do this thing properly - and then going up to Machu Picchu in the morning. Really early in the morning. That evening we found the hot springs after which the town is named, which weren't nearly as nice as the ones we'd been in the night before, but hot nevertheless! The Argentines came and found us after a bit which was cool, and then we had to go back for dinner (after having very naughtily skipped helping with the bags!). We met a couple of the boys in the square after dinner, which was fun, and then went back to bed - another 3am start for us! Joy! The reason, incidentally, we had to get up so early was in order to get on the first bus, or nearly the first bus at least, to see if we could be in the first 400 people into Machu Picchu in order to be able to climb Wayna Picchu, the mountain you see in the background of all the classic shots of Machu Picchu. It's protected because of erosion so only 400 people are allowed to climb up it each day - guides, like Manu, are never allowed up, because there's so many of them. Obviously he could go up if he wanted but I think he'd have to pay to get in, and not be there as a guide.

So, the start of day five of the trek - the day this had all been leading up to - Machu Picchu Day! I was woken up at some delightful hour (about 2.30am) by lots of people shouting outside my room, and then Manu roused us all and we sleepily ate breakfast and made our way down to the bus station, where there was already a long queue. I was dreading having my face burning like yesterday so I bought a hat at one of the shops that were open - a serious error in fashion, but a win for face protection! Katie begged me not to buy it but under some delusion that I looked fine, I did, and thankfully didn't wear it in any of the MP photos otherwise I would have had to burn them! Anyway, we got the bus up (yet another twisty road, more terror!) and joined the queue to get into Machu Picchu which was fairly dispiriting because it looked like there were already roughly a million people ahead of us. Anyway, as it turned out, Manu has contacts or something, because he managed to get us a place climbing up Wayna Picchu! We must have been some of the last people allowed up - Manu told us we were definitely in the last 40.

Manu accompanied us into MP to give us a bit of a tour, after which he would leave us to climb WP, and he would go back to Cusco. His tour was actually really good - interesting and informative. He told us to view MP like a university - because no-one actually knows what it was there for. He said that when the Inca (only the King was called an Inca, the actual people were called Quetchua) wanted to conquer people, he'd send diplomats or something to say 'hey, look, in exchange for all this gold and food and stuff, we want you to be on our side' etc. but the condition was that the rulers had to leave their countries and come and live in Inca-dom (Cusco). This obviously caused some bitterness amongst the conquered people so, to combat that, the Inca built a place that was miles away from anywhere and practically impossible to get into where he could put all the children of these people, so they would grow up viewing the Inca as a god and not have bitterness towards him instilled in them by their parents. Pretty harsh, huh. Obviously this is speculation, but there are records showing that this place for the kids was built - whether it was MP or not, is not certain. Interestingly, Machu Picchu is the name of the mountain near the city (citadel? what is it?) - no-one actually knows what the Incas called it. All the records were lost when the Spanish came and took over - they burnt them all. Way to go!

Anyway, it was so amazing being there - when we arrived there, however, it was completely covered in fog, we couldn't see from one end to the other (which we could when it cleared, later). In the midst of this delightful cloud cover, we climbed up Wayna Picchu which was INSANELY hard - steep steps all the way up. Given that we'd just been walking for four days, we were not exactly in the best condition to do it, although having said that, at least we were used to walking. I think I probably would have died if we'd done it without having done any walking at all! This is how much we could see on our way up:

Afterwards we looked back at the mountain and there was much eye popping - there is no WAY I would have gone up that mountain with anything remotely approaching enthusiasm had I seen how steep it was beforehand. Katie nearly fell off the mountain on the way up because she was dying of laughter as I was wearing a really stupid outfit (no need to show you :D). When we got up there we couldn't see MP because of all the clouds which didn't really make the effort seem worthwhile, it has to be said. Still, it meant we got to sit down for ages, waiting! Also, it felt kind of like we were in heaven or something:

Eventually the clouds did clear and we saw Machu Picchu in all its glory which was weird 'cause we hadn't really seen it from the ground yet, but there you go. It was a lot bigger than I expected. Nothing else really happened up there except we took many photos and a woman got stuck on a precipice and had to be rescued by some people which was kind of hilarious. Then we had to go down which was terrifying and there were people running down which made it even more terrifying!

Once we were back down, we were free to wander round MP by ourselves, so after having sat down and recovered for a while (honestly, going down was almost worse than going up), we set off with my guidebook and had a look round. Describing it does seem a bit pointless, and I'm not going to upload all my photos of it because they're largely all the same! Go there! We spent a reasonably large amount of time trying to find the classic Machu Picchu picture - with all the buildings and Wayna Picchu in the background - and eventually succeeded! Katie and Tabea took amusing pictures of them "leaning" on WP (ah, perspective!), but my face was burning too much for me to want to spend time positioning myself in the sun so unfortunately I don't have a picture of me doing that. There were many many llamas which was excellent although they are actually kind of weird up close. Still! Llamas!

We spent a lot of time sitting down soaking in the atmosphere and trying to find me shady spots (I'm pathetic). Walking round MP was pretty hard because it was all stairs and frankly I think we'd all had our fill of them going up Wayna Picchu, but we crawled our way to the highest point (or, as near as we could be bothered to get) and then went back down and had to sit down again! We were sitting down on one of the terraces for a while, and when we stood up wolf whistles and shouting came down to us - the boys were sitting right up the top on a wall. None of us could be bothered to come down/go up, however, so we didn't talk to them.

Soon after that we left MP to go back down to Aguas Calientes and back to the hostel (via another terrifying bus ride). For some slightly bizarre reason, since it was about 5pm, everyone decided it would be a good idea to have dinner then. I wasn't remotely hungry, so Katie and I decided to go and have a wander round the town - we went into the square and sat down there and talked generally, which was really nice, as we hadn't really had any time just us when we weren't walking for ages and obviously any successful relationship needs alone time ;) Haha. After about an hour, Fer, one of the Argentinians came into the square too, and sat down with us. We arranged to meet up with them all in the square in Cusco the next day in the evening - we were all getting a train back that evening, although they were getting a sensibly timed train at 7.30 and we were getting one at 10pm that got into somewhere outside of Cusco at 2am. Tabea arrived at some point, and then Katie, Tabea and I went to get dinner in a restaurant off the square, with a seriously incompetent waitress, and then we ended up being conned regarding free drinks. Still, my burger was pretty good.

After that we went to the train station where Annette (Tabea's mum) gave Katie and I presents - a fluffy llama and a stolen purse each (heh). Then we got on the train, and I promptly fell asleep and slept pretty much the whole way back to Ollepata (or something) where we got a minibus back to our hostel - except he dropped us off at the bottom of that hill (we were staying at Loki again) so we had to walk all the way up it at 3am with Katie carrying both our day packs and me carrying the big rucksack! Not cool! We got into our room and crashed around a bit, giggling hysterically, miraculously not annoying anyone, and then crashed out in our beds, happy to be back in the real world!

Spring in my step

I have observed this week that I am a lot better at looking after children when it is sunny. When it is grey and miserable i.e. winter, every fibre of my being protests at expending any energy not devoted to remaining warm and reading nice books. That's what being an supremely lazy student for three years does to you. However, for the last two days the weather has been delightful! I'm talking "taking your coat off, running around in the garden for four hours and throwing open all available doors and windows" delightful. It has reached the giddy heights of 15 C at some points. Spring is here!

My body has decided it likes this state of affairs; yesterday Juliette, Ernest and I spent two and a half hours playing in the garden, I spent an hour today running around with Ernest inside (or, more accurately, running away from Ernest for fear of being eaten by a soft toy. The dangers of childcare...) and prior to that we had spent twenty minutes jumping from pile of mud to pile of mud in the garden. I will admit that I spent most of the rest of the day, before Ernest got back from creche, reading a book, but that is because Juliette had a friend round and my French isn't good enough to join in their imaginary games. Also, I resent being told which crayon I can use to colour in with. However, I now feel more like I want to run and play outside - that fresh, relaxed feeling has come back into the air, and it is fun playing with Ernest because his little giggle when I do something he enjoys is something even the laziest, most hard-hearted fiend couldn't resist, and I am consequently powerless.

The cynical part of me that accurately predicted the weather last May - three hot days in a row? People cracking out the shorts? I wisely remained in my trousers and was right to do so - suspects that this atmosphere change will not last for long, but the running, jumping, happy, relaxed part of me wishes it could be like this always and forever.

Snowsick

Well, it's been a couple of weeks since I last updated. Interestingly, after saying that I was going to keep a tally of the kids injuries, Juliette managed to burn her face. I didn't feel that merited an entire blog post, but it was quite a significant injury! She was very brave about it, but still has a mark. I got praised by the chemist who said I was sensible for only having put wet kitchen towel on her face - what else would you do? I considered running her face under the cold tap but I had a feeling that would drown her so refrained. The day after that, Ernest developed chicken pox - but bizarrely and very thankfully didn't have any symptoms other than spots. No itching, no fever, no whinging. What a lucky kid! I'm almost disappointed I've had it - might have had a couple of days off work, avoiding him... heh. Nevermind.

The Saturday before last I went to Leeds on holiday. I stayed with Martha, and we had a really fun time - lots of Sex and the City and good food. Lucie had made fun of me, saying I was only going to be eating pasta while I was there - student lifestyle! - but we cooked fajitas and corn chowder, both of which were deeelicious. Admittedly we ordered Domino's pizza one night (I count that under 'good food', but definitely also under 'student lifestyle'), and I had sandwiches for dinner two other nights, but still, not bad! I didn't do a whole lot while I was in Leeds; saw the vast majority of people I wanted to see, although apparently I am too popular to fit all my friends into four days, and went shopping, to the pub and to the union a bit. Mainly just hung out at people's houses, like the good old days! I don't miss the student lifestyle really. Obviously it would be nice to have loooads of free time, but everyone was incredibly busy with work while I was there - it's nice that my free time now is true free time. The plus side to everyone being busy was that I didn't spend too much money! I bought 3 pairs of jeans in Primark for £24. Oh, how I miss you Primark. Still convinced shopping in England is better, but no nearer explaining why. I suppose it's the familiarity of the products. I would have gone mad with spending if it wasn't for my luggage allowance - damn you hand luggage! I had to shove my handbag into my suitcase in order to get through security on the way back and the woman made a snarky 'wonders will never cease' comment to someone else about me (I was struggling somewhat). I don't know why people are allowed to be so rude. I would never say something like that about someone if they were less than three feet away. (Maybe if they were further away... :D)

My journey back to Paris on Thursday was a bit of a nightmare - it took almost 12 hours instead of 4 - but I was stationed near a WHSmiths most of the time so I happily filled up on Creme Eggs and True Blood books (new obsession, thanks Martha). I can think of worse ways to spend a Thursday afternoon! The next day was equally travellicious. I had to take a taxi to Gare Montparnasse to catch a train to Bordeaux to collect the kids from their Grandma's. The taxi driver was foreign and insisted on talking to me in heavily accented French most of the way there. I couldn't understand a word - I was still in 'English' mode anyway, so I had no chance. I am getting very good at nodding and smiling confidently. It was nice to see the kids again, and the train journey was surprisingly fun. We had egg salad sandwiches and carrot sticks for lunch (I felt a bit like I was in a Famous Five book), Ernest fell asleep on me as per, and then took over my seat when I got up, and we were in first class! Good times. Then we got a taxi back, relaxed for 5 hours, got another taxi to Gare Austerlitz and took the night train to skiing! Crazy day. At Gare Austerlitz there was a woman giving out free candyfloss! I got some, even though technically it was for kids - I refuse to miss out on awesome stuff like that just because I happen to have been on this planet for longer. Also, that kind of thing is wasted on kids.

The night train was pretty cool - didn't sleep very well, naturally, but it smelt like Brownie Pack Holiday and I felt like I was going on an adventure when I was a little kid, so it was pretty cool. It would have been even cooler to wake up properly in the mountains, but we changed trains at 5am and then took a train to the mountains, getting there at about 7.30am. Ernest was incredibly confused about me being in the night train with him, he kept saying 'byebye Ka'. Why wasn't I leaving? This was family time!



Now I am in the mountains, writing this (well, in a hotel room in the mountains). From my window I can see Mont Blanc, which I am overly impressed with, and also many other mountains and trees. It's very pretty. Unfortunately, all that white pretty = snow, and in my experience, snow = a death trap. It was quite sunny on the first day, and we sat in deckchairs and confused my poor, inexperienced brain (deckchairs? But... that means we're on the beach! So.. why is it all white? And why do I get the feeling that if I was in a bikini I would be very, very cold?), and had baguette and jam for breakfast finally - after being nauseous with hunger for about three hours - it was literally the most welcome meal I've ever had. I was fairly enthusiastic about being there at first; I like a good view, and throw me some baguette and I'm your friend for life, so although I had been viewing the trip with some trepidation, I thought that maybe it would actually be quite fun. Ha! The weather gradually descended into a grey tempest and by the next day was disgustingly snowy and stormy and horrible. I walked down into the town bit from our hotel to get Ernest with Eric, who spent the whole way making cheerful comments about the horrible weather, while I was trying my hardest not to burst into tears at the thought of having to spend a whole week being pelted with small bits of wet cold. Luckily, the next day (Monday), was delightful! Sunny, glistening and beautiful. Sunglasses were required, to avoid snowblindness. I spent the afternoon with either Ernest or Juliette and her cousin Ludivine sledging, which was really fun, and I had a delicious hamburger for lunch, and talked to a French man who told me my french was really good, so I was feeling pretty good about being there by the time it came to go back to the hotel thankfully, because I fell over about 8 times on the way up the hill, one time slamming into the ice, jolting my arm badly and bruising my hip, which then proceeded to get even more bruised as the walk continued. If it had been snowing I would have cried so much - as it was, however, I just thought it was hilarious. Mildly embarrassing, because my trousers kept falling down showing my bum - belt needed! - but generally just funny. I've always thought being clumsy is pretty funny, even if the experience hasn't helped my dislike of falling over. Everytime I walk down that hill now it takes me about five minutes because I'm so scared of becoming more bruised, and I have started taking the bus back up (and given that I fell over twice today, I reckon I'm going to start taking it down too!). To top off the falling over, I discovered I have hilarious sunglasses sunburn - very attractive! Since then I have sheltered in the apartment, bar venturing out twice to go and get Juliette and Ludivine from their ski classes and bring them back. I am definitely not a snow person. Thank god I didn't take skiing classes!
Anyway, apart from the issues with walking, it's been a reasonably nice time - I'm not asked to do too much because obviously the parents are there a lot - I'm only in charge from about 11.30 til whenever the parents get back in the afternoon, normally about 3, and Ernest is in creche all day so I don't even have to look after him. At some point I hope we are going to go up in the bubble ski lifts to see an Ice Grotto (!) and Lucie said she will buy me some grips for my shoes, so I can't imagine I'll have a completely rubbish time for the rest of the stay here, but it has convinced me that snowbound activities are certainly not for me.

I wish I lived in Narnia

So, the past week or so has been pretty good. For the first time ever last Wednesday I actually had a nice day! In the morning Lucie told the girls that they could go to the cinema in the afternoon if and only if they were well behaved going to and from Pony club. This included: no whinging, no stropping, no sulking, no hitting and no being a bitch. Normally I suspect this wouldn't work, but the week before we were going to go to a restaurant for lunch if they were well behaved, but me and Juliette had a screaming match trying to get her to put her shoes on, so I just walked off shouting 'okay well nevermind, we're not going to the restaurant then', and we didn't go, so I think they knew that if they pissed me off we wouldn't go. (Having said that, I didn't really want to go to a restaurant, but I would have put up with a lot to go to the cinema. Juliette and I did kind of argue over the outfit she wanted to wear and then again when she decided that 2 minutes before lunch was served would be the optimum time to have a nap, but like I said, I wanted to go so I kind of ignored it.) Anyway, this new found power meant that they were little delights there and back. Well, Juliette managed to fall over whilst chucking a snowball at me - karma if ever I saw it - and started crying, but I made her walk it off and she was fine within 2 minutes.

It started snowing while we were at Pony, really heavily, and settling. It was like Narnia! Only with fewer magical creatures, which was a disappointment. It was also freeeeezing - the temperature must have dropped dramatically while we were there - and Zoe came in after her lesson sobbing hysterically because her feet were so cold. Not nice! I made her put on my fluffy socks and move closer to the furnace that was burning in there, but she carried on crying for like, 20 minutes. I called her mum in a moment of desperation who told me to take off her wet socks and put them on the furnace. One of the socks then proceeded to burn to a crisp. Whoops! This did, however, cheer Zoe up sufficiently to enable me to persuade her to put her boots back on and leave to go home - luckily she had her bike, so it was pretty speedy.

The film was really good! It was the Princess and the Frog, and obviously it was in French, so I didn't understand all of it - damn musical numbers being impossible to understand - but it was funny and there were cute characters and it was a nice story line and... yeah! I recommend it to any Disney fans. I'm glad they've made a new one. It's set in the New Orleans Jazz-era, which is really cool, I love that kind of jazz, and there is a trumpet playing alligator! What more could you want? Oh wait, how about a small hillbilly fly? Check. Crazy swamp voodoo woman? Check. Evil villainous villain? Checkity check. Jealous sidekick? Check. Arrogant prince who turns nice? Checkamundo. Strong independent heroine? Check. Voila, a classic Disney film.

We skipped tennis afterwards 'cause Zoe didn't want to go and I sure couldn't be bothered to take her (it was cold!), so we went home and played Monopoly. Now, given that Juliette can neither read nor count, I was pretty impressed by how well she played! She seemed to enjoy herself a lot - largely playing with the little dog and ship and hat - and made a crap load of money through a lot of good dice rolls. You know how there's always someone every time you play who lands on everything? That was her. It's normally my cousin - we used to play with her everytime we saw her until my brother and I got fed up of always losing. Now we refuse to play - our current game of choice is Risk! Of course, there's always someone who never lands on anything - usually my mum - and in this case it was Zoe who was getting a bit stressed by the end 'cause she had barely anything. I managed to get three of the train stations! Woo!

Thursday and Friday were pretty uneventful - I didn't eat with the kids either night which was lovely and relaxing. On Friday I got distracted by youtube and forgot to do any of the cleaning so, knowing that neither of the parents would be home until about 7, I stuck the kids in front of the TV when we got home and did it then. I would feel bad about this except they always want to watch TV, so I figure they were happy. I'm sure French parents are much stricter about TV than my parents ever were. I'm sure I used to get to watch TV every day when I came in before doing my homework. These guys are allowed to watch it very rarely - Tuesday is meant to be TV night because we go to the library and rent a DVD, but I'm not sure how much they're allowed to watch it apart from that. I'm pretty sure they're not meant to watch it as much as I let them, but the other day Zoe literally whinged for about 15 minutes because she 'couldn't think of anything else to do'. Despite my insisting that 'if she couldn't think of anything else to do other than watch tv, that probably means she watches too much tv' (how old do I sound?!), she continued to mope until I decided that frankly, I wanted to read my book, so I let her watch it. I pointed out that she 'hadn't won!', but she knew she had really!

Over the weekend I decided it was time to rectify my trouser situation - I only have 2 pairs and over the past 2 months they have both decided that really large holes in the crotch are 'in' this season. Consequently I have been sewing them up on a regular basis, because it's a bit too cold for tights. I couldn't find anyone to go shopping with - the problems with limited friend access - so I went alone which is always fun. I am just going to say this now - shopping in Paris is not fun. I hate it. There are 2 streets which are meant to be pretty good for high street shopping - rue de rivoli and rue de rennes - and they are both MILES long. MILES!! I miss Leeds and its compact town centre. I am not a flea market/second hand shop/vintage shop kind of girl, so all those little areas are out, and I am definitely not a haute couture girl, so that rules out most of the Latin Quarter. I decided to go to the big shopping mall next to Chatelet-Les-Halles, which is underground. Not exactly what comes immediately to mind when you think of shopping in Paris, huh? Still, it was compact and there were a lot of shops close together. I managed to spend almost the entire day going exclusively into shops found almost everywhere in the world - H&M, Zara, Gap and, bizarrely, New Look. I know, who'd have thought?! Oh, and WH Smiths. I bought a Terry's Chocolate Orange bar, some Hobnobs and some Fanta fruit twist. I love that shop! Anyway, mission was completed - I bought 3 pairs of trousers, although unfortunately I couldn't be bothered to try on 2 of them in H&M because the queue was too long, and I don't really like them now I've tried them on, so I guess I'll be returning them! But, mission partially completed, at least! I managed not to get seriously depressed about my wobbly bits, so that's a bonus! I much prefer shopping in England though, it's weird. I will undoubtedly come back from Leeds next week with a better idea of why that is, but at the moment it's just like a funny feeling I get whenever I'm out shopping here, like my shopping experience isn't really optimum. I miss colourful shop windows, and familiar shops, and... I dunno. We'll see.

Anyway, I guess I'd better get on with actually doing my job. Ernest is asleep already, so I'm free until 4pm, but I should probably hoover or something.

P.S. No injuries as of yet this week, but it's early days! I have decided to start keeping a tally - some weeks it is quite astonishing how much they manage to fall down or walk into things or stab themselves with things or get punched by one of their siblings.

The beginning

So, five months ago tomorrow (9th September 2009), I made a 5 hour trip up from Perpignan, France, where I was on holiday with my friends, to start life as a full-time aupair in Rueil Malmaison, Paris. I was joining the Desprez family - Lucie and Eric = Mum and Dad (or Maman and Papa), and they work full time (no idea what they do) in La Defense, so I am, from 8h15 to 19h in charge of their three children: Zoe, 8; Juliette, 5; and Ernest, 2. I'm also in charge of cooking and keeping the house clean and tidy. Anyone who knows me will know how hilarious this last part is - especially my old housemates! However, I seem to have a knack for keeping other people's houses tidy; my room is still a tip, but Lucie seems happy with the job I am doing upstairs, so no worries! I live in the basement room, next to the laundry room. It's a really awesome deal,I have my own bathroom and little kitchen (complete with sink, hobs and microwave/oven. Oh yeah, I know - try and keep the jealousy to a minimum!) and even my own front door. Unfortunately, that doesn't work at the moment, but hey, it's there to look at!

So this blog is going to be about the trials and tribulations, but also the fun times, that come with being an aupair. Kids are truly hilarious... well, when they're not sulking or screaming at you or ignoring you or, worse, speaking a different language! Because, of course, these kids are French and as such, require a whole lotta speaking to in French. Luckily (or not, depending on whether you're my mum or not), Lucie is half American and therefore bilingual, and consequently Zoe understands English to an astonishingly good level, given that she refuses to ever speak it. So if I'm having issues with conjugations (damned conjugations...) I can switch into English and she'll understand which is nice. Juliette refuses to understand me - her favourite phrase is 't'as dit QUOI?' which means 'WHAT did you say?' - so I have to talk to her in French, and Ernest is 2 and therefore doesn't necessarily understand whatever language you talk to him in, so because I really really badly want him to be a cute little bilingual kid, I talk to him in English. The amount he understands now, compared to when I arrived, is really quite astonishing, but then the amount he talks compared to when I arrived it pretty astonishing. When I arrived he pretty much just said 'maman', 'papa' 'erci' (merci - thanks), 'ti' (please) and 'no', but now he responds to questions, calls me by my name (or, an approximation - 'Ka!') attracts my attention - 'regar Ka' = look, Kate!, and can almost ask for things, though he does have a tendency to just go 'THAT' and then 'pleeeeeeee' with a big grin on his face, the cheeky scamp. My French has probably suffered somewhat as a result of all this English, but it's definitely improved; this weekend I went to Rennes for a party with one of my friends from school who's on his year abroad there, and I was able to chat happily for hours in French! So although it's not been the greatest environment for picking up French, it's clearly helped!

When I took the job, Eric did an awesome job of describing the kids to me - a 40 year old man doing an impression of a feisty 4 year old girl has to be one of my best moments. As it turned out, his descriptions of them weren't exactly what I would call accurate. He described Zoe as 'eager to please everyone', Juliette as 'wanting to be grown up' and.. well, as mentioned, Ernest is 2. Honestly, not a whole lot you can say.

Anyway, when I got there, I couldn't believe he'd described Zoe as eager to please - I've never met anyone sulkier (including me, Mother) or less willing to do what I ask them. We went through a real bad patch in October/November when she literally sulked EVERY time I asked her to do anything or denied her something e.g. tv or more snacks. I, ashamed though I am to admit it, screamed at her quite unacceptably a couple of times - but hey, I'm young, and kids are freaking annoying. My mum helped me a LOT through that time, and honestly, if you ever have kids, something she said to me is a key thing to remember: when they're being unloveable, that's when they need your love the most. Something changed though (I like to think due to hard work and a whoooole lotta patience from me), end of November, and we became buddies, and now, although I don't quite agree with Eric's description, she is a truly lovely kid. She's really arty and funny and cute, and barely sulks at all anymore!

Juliette was a little terror when I got there - sulky and totally unresponsive, which is an understandable response to a new stranger coming into your house and bossing you around - the reason I kind of get why Zoe was like that, but she perked up around the time Zoe got awful (they're never all nice at once) and became really cute and funny. She's got a good sense of humour and she can be very adorable when she wants to be. Unfortunately, and this is becoming a real issue at the moment, she is the slowest kid I have ever had the bad luck to look after. It's not that I have to tell her we're leaving at least 10, if not 15, minutes before we leave - that I don't mind, kids are on a different timetable, I get it - but the fact that I then have to repeat myself at least twenty times before she'll even come downstairs and then another twenty to make her get her shoes on, by which time I am so pissed off and late I practically shove her in her coat. This happens almost every day.

On to a nicer topic - Ernest. Such a cutie. Big brown eyes, cute little grin... I just wanna eat him! Also, 2 year olds are so much nicer because they pretty much do as they're told, and if they don't, you can pick them up and make them do as they're told! Ernest likes duplo, being read to, chattering away to himself and hugs. I love hugs! He says 'anklooo' for 'thank you' and 'pleeee' for please. He also has started saying 'back?' when I tell him to put things back, which is a break through, because he doesn't say anything else English. He falls over a lot - today he fell over and cut his lip. In fact, all the kids fall over and hurt themselves all the time. Well, Zoe less so, apart from one 'hilarious' incident involving her, a pushchair, a hill, and going to fast, but we won't go into that... Juliette managed to fall over 3 times and get trodden on by a pony in one week (and boy, did she not let me forget it)!

I have a nice little routine during the week, it works out pretty well. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, the girls are at school from when I start work - I don't have to take them to school which is good! - until 4.30pm. Well, Zoe has homework club Monday and Friday and a private tutor Tuesday and Thursday... I know, she's 8. It's terrifying. So actually, I don't ever get her from school at 4.30. Juliette has After-School Club Thursdays, so I go get her at 6pm those days. It's actually a pretty complicated routine - they're pretty busy kids. Anyway, as you may have noticed, they don't go to school on Wednesdays! So unfair! And what do we do on Wednesdays, I hear you ask? WELL! It's a whole barrel of laughs. I have to practically drag them kicking and screaming out the door to go to Poney Club, which is a 15 minute walk up a HUGE hill, which I usually have to pull Juliette up - last week I had to push her there in the pushchair because her 'bobo (injury) was hurting'. I could barely breathe when we got there and she kept asking me why I was so tired. Aagh! Anyway, so then I have to sit there for 2 hours in the freezing cold, surrounded by horses which I hate. Then we have to go through another at least half an hour of Juliette walking really slowly back home and me and Zoe shouting at her the whole way to hurry up. However, good news! Juliette has decided to quit 'cause she's scared of horses (sensible girl) and Zoe didn't resubscribe in time for the next semester. Cue manical happy laughter. I am so happy to be free of that weekly torture! Words cannot even describe. Now we get to do fun stuff like going to Parc de Villettes and the science museum there! Zoe has tennis at 4, but that's just an excuse for me to go into town and send post or cash pay cheques, so not really an issue. Ernest goes to Creche all day Wednesdays, which is nice for the girls because it means they get to do big girl stuff, and it's so lovely when I go to get him at the end of the day and he leaps up in delight yelling 'Ka!' when he sees me. Definitely makes it all worthwhile :)

As jobs go, I've definitely got it pretty easy most of the time - Ernest sleeps all afternoon! - and there are some really cute moments. We made fairy cakes last Wednesday and decorated them with insane coloured icing, and this morning Ernest and I played dinosaurs, and we do colouring and play with playdough and stuff like that. It's nice to embrace my childish side! The other day, for example, we played cops and robbers for an hour outside (I got blown up and captured more times than I care to remember!). The cleaning as well, I don't mind. I just did almost two hours of ironing and caught up on my youtube TV at the same time (thank you, oh kind generous people who put QI up on youtube. I love you)! In a minute I am going to go wake Ernest up, give him some snacks, go get Juliette from school and then spend an hour in the library. Definitely a nice way to spend the evening! Also, it's TV night tonight! Woo!

Anyway, I guess I'll see where this blog goes; I'll try to make it mainly about funny stuff that happens to me, rather than the negative stuff, although I may need to vent every now and again!

P.S. It snowed today again. Stop snowing already!!