Hypochondria

I appear to have convinced myself that I have developed a wheat intolerance. Is that even possible? All I know is, I ate two biscuits for breakfast this morning (not unusual, chocolate digestives since you're asking) and I have had a stomach ache ever since. It's not a really bad stomach ache, like what I get when I'm on my period, it's like I kinda need to go to the toilet. Except, I just went to the toilet, and sat on it for ten minutes before getting bored and I still have a stomach ache. So I don't think it's that.

The bonus to my hypochondria, which has never been as full blown as this apart from one time when I was really ill and delirious and hadn't slept properly in three days and became convinced that part of my trachea had dislodged due to all my coughing and I was going to die (I spent the best part of the night trying to shove it back into place which only reinforced my convictions that my throat was going to collapse), is that I have been avoiding the biscuit cupboard like the plague today. I want a biscuit so badly because I have a biscuit addiction, particularly a chocolate digestive addiction, but I have managed to resist. So I'm thinking that maybe I should just pretend to myself that I have a wheat intolerance so I can finally stop eating all the biscuits and all the bread and all the carbohydrate based crap that I basically spend the best part of my day hoovering up via my mouth. This stomach ache is slightly annoying though, so I hope it isn't actually a wheat intolerance because that would suck so much. What would I even eat?

I don't want to google it because I have thus far avoided becoming one of those people who google all their symptoms and ends up being convinced they have at least one of four terminal diseases, but I feel it is only a matter of time before I start down that slippery slope. I am just determined to delay it as long as possible. Also, my only symptom is 'stomach ache after eating biscuits for breakfast' which I don't really feel merits a trip to NHS Direct. I would also probably get a lecture from a virtual nurse about how eating biscuits for breakfast is a stupid idea and a sure fire way to develop something, be it a wheat intolerance or obesity. My mum keeps telling me off for eating stuff like biscuits and coco pops for breakfast when I live in France and I could have baguette or pain au chocolat or croissants for breakfast every day. Frankly, I think that would be as bad for me as Coco Pops every day, and also I think the novelty of sweet, sweet chocolatey bread would wear off over time and I never want there to be a point in my life where I get bored of pain au chocolat. Also, I can't be bothered to walk to the bakery every day - it's at least ten minutes away - just for breaded products, when there are chocolate digestives in the cupboard. You see my dilemma, I'm sure.